Books

How to be “something else entirely”

By Kevin Steel ⋅ January 11, 2007 ⋅  Email this post ⋅  Print this post ⋅ Post a comment

It’s not a common occurrence that a gorgeous hunk ties you up, robs the house you’re staying in, and kisses you breathless. Unless you’re Maggie Quinton, that is: savvy, sexy architect working on a remote island off the Florida panhandle. In Maggie’s case, the buff burglar keeps coming back in search of an item he claims the apartment’s owner stole from him. Flustered and aroused, Maggie calls in her jet-setting sister for moral support, but flirty, dark haired Diane is much more interested in the island’s ruggedly handsome police chief, ‘Griff’ Grifford. And then there’s his deputy, Cosgrove, with his bulging biceps and creative uses for handcuffs. Can the lovely sisters keep from uttering the terrible ‘c’ word—commitment—to men that are a little too wild to be good for them?

Trying to get the burglar—he’s a buff burglar, mind you—to make a commitment. Well, good luck with that. All he has to do is break in to have his way. “I seem to have forgotten my ummm… crowbar?” So why should he have to commit? Tsk tsk. Maybe Maggie should just stick to writing love letters to imprisoned serial killers.

In case you’re wondering where the above excerpt is from, it’s a description on Amazon of a book titled Bedding the Burglar by Gabriella Marcola, in The Black Lace series of erotic fiction for women, which is apparently one of the most successful series of this type going.

Why have I bothered to copy this book description? Well, I came across it last night as I was idly looking up The Black Lace series. And why was I interested in that? Because in a moment of narcissistic boredom, I Googled my name (something I do from time to time when I get to wondering where various things I have written have ended up). And in a Black Lace book titled Continuum by Portia Da Costa, first published in 1997 and being re-issued next month, there is a character named Kevin Steel. Amazon calls Continuum a “Black Lace classic” and the author “one of the most internationally renowned authors of erotica.” So with the book being a “classic” in a successful series by an internationally renowed author, I guess my namesake is in good hands. Despite all this success, the author remains humble and describes herself thusly on the Profile page of her blog; “I’m Wendy Wootton, a middle aged, middle sized author of romantic and erotic fiction with a middling amount of talent who’s also known as Portia Da Costa.” She likes TV, reading, writing, cats, film and chocolate, and has a webpage. On her blog it is explained that the first part of Kevin Steel’s name was taken from Kevin Bacon (how does that fit into the six degrees of separation? We are all connected, we are all one). Elsewhere, there is an excerpt of a scene from Continuum featuring the First Time With Kevin that ends like this;

In a moment or two, he was naked, and almost reluctantly, Joanna was impressed. Wearing clothes, Kevin was an appealing man, for all his unusual, pointed features; but without clothes he was something else entirely.

Pity Portia/Wendy cut it off there. I want to find out what this “something else entirely” is, though I guess it’s a safe assumption it is a naked Kevin, with an additional pointed feature.

In another place on the web, on this page about half way down, Continuum is reviewed by someone named Harriet Klausner, so we can get an idea of where the above scene fits in the bigger picture;

Joanna Darrell is bored with her office job at Perry McAfree, … having called the Vale Associates representative a “sad bastard” before slamming the phone down. As she waits for her boss Halloran to rip her apart and probably fire her, she fantasizes about having this hunk service her…

Freelance computer specialist Kevin Steel notices her ecstatic expression that he has once before placed on her face when they made love, but since that ecstatic interlude she has said no to his advances. Instead of sacking her, Halloran and the Human Resources Chief Davidson tell her she needs a vacation as she has worked too hard. They send Joanna to Whiteoaks, a place with the latest relaxation therapies. Joanna soon finds the place caters to her deepest erotic fantasies where pleasure and pain are part of the same CONTINUUM while several studs provide major appetizers but only a steely hunk can be her master.

[The author] keeps the erotic tale focused as it runs the gamut of bondage. With the exception of Kevin, the hunks are interchangeable though the protagonist can tell them apart by a look or feel of their one-eyed dripping plunger…

Now we know what the title Continuum means–go on holiday looking for something new only to discover it’s the same-old, same-old orgy everywhere; pain? pleasure? home? away? same stuff. But it’s nice to know my namesake is no interchangeable hunk. As for his pining for Joanna, my advice is let her go, Kevin Steel, you geeky hunk, let her go. Put your clothes back on and get back to your freelance ‘putering. Consider yourself a lucky man for not getting tangled up with some horny but no doubt sterile spa-going masochist. That’s my wish for you, so I’ll never read the book in order to maintain the fantasy. I fear Joanna might be looking for some kind of commitment while secretly waiting for a buff burglar.